Pandora’s Box Has Opened

Yesterday was probably the craziest day I’ve ever had but nothing major happened. I’ve never been the one capable of expressing their feelings so I just put them in a box and just lock it down because it’s the easiest thing to do; but once they’re out I have hell to pay. I don’t think I’m mentally stable to deal with my feelings because my world changes and I feel everything at once. I’m so used to feeling nothing that once the emotions do come they’re overwhelming. It’s taken me about three weeks to realize I really like this guy that I work with and it’s driving me up a wall. The box has been cracked open and I don’t know how when or why. If I like someone I usually do the shy teenage girl routine (mind you, I’m 21); I dream about what life would be like with them, them being injured in some sort of accident and I’m by their hospital bedside every moment—yea I watch too much tv. But this guy is completely different, I didn’t even realized I liked him until last week but my friends knew like two weeks ago. I do feel some type of way when I do see him. I hate my job because I have to deal with multiple customers and it drains the living daylights out of me to the point I want to shut down, but whenever he’s there he makes me feel….secure and he doesn’t even do anything but work…but the simple fact that he’s there makes me feel so calm. His hugs are so…I can’t even explain how they make me feel, he embraces you when he hugs you and he smells so good. He makes me laugh, he’s smart, goal-oriented, respectful, everything I want in a guy…not to mention I believe he can put me in my place when needed. This weekend was his school’s homecoming and he told me he was going to call in Saturday to go to a concert and will be back to work Sunday. I admit I was a little bummed I wouldn’t get to see him for those few hours we were scheduled to work together, but it would’ve been back to normal the next day. Saturday rolls around and our manager is bitching and going crazy, and his little pet tells me that A didn’t call in so we’re unexpectedly short staffed. I was confused, I called and texted him but I got no reply. Did he quit? No, because he told me what he was doing this weekend so it was cool. I decided to stay calm until the next day to see if he comes in. I patiently waited for him to arrive then I took my break at the time he was suppose to come in in hopes I would see him standing there when I returned. Deep down inside I knew he wasn’t going to show today and I balled my eyes out. Why was I crying over someone that hasn’t been in my life for no more than two months and I haven’t realized I liked him until about a week ago? *does shmoney dance* Maybe I felt like I lost my chance trying to build something with him, I lost the opportunity to tell him how I felt. I feel like there should be some type of AA group for serial crushers because my mind is ridiculous and overly dramatic. He didn’t come in at all yesterday which made me cry again while I was working because honesty I hate my job more on Sundays, but having him there makes it so much smoother. Later on I found out he called in so that he could recover from partying…Pandora’s Box needs to closed and soon lol. 

I’m no drop dead diva

Have you ever watched a show and you just wanted to tell the main character to go fuck off because they’re selling you this fake imitation of how life is? Yea, me too. Like Drop Dead Diva, I honestly haven’t really watched the show, but the clips and commercials I’m getting she was some “hot” chick that died and came back as some fat chick and finds love and what not. The thing is she has the typical tv show happy life with some mishaps in between, but the producers decided to use a plus sized woman to [I’m guessing] show that we can have that life too. I’m rambling just to say this: I’m no drop dead diva or even Samantha Jones, but I’m a big girl with real experiences dealing with love, sex, loved ones and I want to share them. Hope you enjoy. :)